Funerals and Social Media

In a world where technology is so prevalent, it's natural to want to turn to social media to connect with friends and family members after you've lost a loved one. You may feel moved to share the sad news online or offer condolences. However, it's important to understand and appreciate the etiquette around funerals and social media to make sure you're supporting and respecting others who are grieving.

Here are some dos and don'ts when it comes to social media etiquette and funerals.

What to do

DO allow the family to take the lead

After a loved one passes away, wait for their close family to make the decision about whether and when to share that news on Facebook and other social media sites. If they haven't posted about it yet, don't rush in to do it. A family may wish to wait, or they may ultimately not wish to post anything online about the loss of their loved one-a choice all friends and family should respect.

Once the immediate family has shared a post online announcing the loss of a loved one, it should then be OK to reshare the news, send a thoughtful message of your condolences, or leave a comment.

DO consider the most appropriate outreach method

Before leaving a comment on a family's Facebook or Instagram post regarding the loss of a friend, give some thought as to what type of outreach would be most appreciated. Sometimes a social media comment is perfectly acceptable, but in other cases, families might prefer a more private communication, such as a phone call, private message, text, email, or in-person visit.

If you're not sure whether to send a public or private message of condolence, it's best to err on the side of caution and contact the family privately.

DO take a few deep breaths before posting

When you experience the loss of a friend, colleague, or relative, you may have strong emotions, like sadness, anger, confusion, or worry. While it's natural to want to open up and express your feelings online, always pause to think before posting.

Ask yourself: Is this something I should post publicly? How will others react to what I'm saying? To avoid saying something in the heat of the moment that might cause additional sadness or upset to relatives, re-read what you've written and look for ways you might edit or condense it. You may also benefit from stepping away from it for a few hours, then coming back to it with fresh eyes.

DO tuck your phone away at a funeral

During a funeral or celebration of life, show respect by listening to and reflecting on memories of your loved one free from distraction. It's always best to leave your phone on silent mode and leave it in your handbag or pocket, allowing yourself the space to be fully present. Let your colleagues or family members know that you'll be out of contact for a few hours so that you don't feel an urge to pull your phone out and check text messages or emails.

You may also be tempted to check in or tag others at a funeral on Facebook, but this might actually be upsetting to relatives who see it later on. Resist the temptation to share about your experience and opt instead to stay present and phone-free.

What NOT to do

DON'T overshare

When posting online, always avoid oversharing information. Often, the immediate family may wish certain details to be kept private, such as the circumstances of a loved one's death or the details of their funeral. It's never appropriate to post these details in a public online forum unless the family has already publicly posted them.

DON'T tag a loved one

On the day of a loved one's funeral or on the anniversary of their passing, you may wish to share a post in which you tag their name and social media account.

However, posts that mention the name of a lost loved one may be distressing to the person's partner or children, especially if those posts pop up in their social media feeds unexpectedly.

As an alternative, try keeping a private diary. It can be a beautiful outlet for you to share your thoughts, emotions, and memories, and allow you a private space to grieve.

DON'T post cliches

We're all familiar with some of the common cliches around grief: "They're in a better place now" or "Time will heal." While these sayings may come from good intentions, they're not always helpful.

Everyone has their own grief journey, and well-intended messages like "It was their time" may be misinterpreted. Cliche messages may be hurtful or may come off as being thoughtless or insensitive.

Instead, consider a heartfelt, personal message that expresses your condolences.

DON'T take photos or videos at a memorial

During a funeral or memorial, many families may ask for phones to be turned off. In addition, the funeral home's social media policies may dictate that phones and live posting aren't allowed during memorials, out of respect for everyone.

In any case, it's best to never take any photos, selfies, or videos during a funeral, unless the family has explicitly said it's OK to do so. At a minimum, it can be a distraction to those in attendance who are trying to grieve.

When you're engaging with social media after the death of a loved one, aim to act with respect, compassion, and care for the loved one and their family. While it's healing to connect with the community of people who loved the person who's passed, remember to do it in personalized, thoughtful, and mindful ways.

The Neptune Society is the nation's oldest and largest provider of affordable cremation services. Whether you have an immediate need or want to plan cremation services in advance, we are always available to assist you and your family. Call 1-800-NEPTUNE (800-637-8863) today or contact us online to learn more.